Blue Touch Paper Consulting ltd

Why NLP is Good For You

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 10:08:26 GMT

NLP is good; really good. Why?

Because it is rich with tools, concepts, principles, techniques and processes than have been proven to radically improve a whole load of interpersonal and personal competencies. Which is why university degrees, coaching and psychotherapy trainings, leadership development courses and people management workshops now contain numerous NLP techniques and models. In particular, NLP has become a core component of trainings in business, enhancing leadership and management skills exponentially. From the NHS to private enterprises large and small, NLP is now a legitimate element of business strategies to improve performance, recruitment & retention, empower leadership, optimise customer/supplier relationships and much more.

In this blog I’m going to answer three questions for you.

First, ' Why should you learn NLP? ’ Second, ‘ What is NLP? ’ And third, ‘ Why learn NLP now ? ’

Before we get going, let’s get a flavour of some of these benefits of using NLP. Let’s list just some of the competencies that can be improved using NLP, starting with the interpersonal set:

Interpersonal Communication
Relationships with others
Influence & persuasion
Leading & Managing others
Building & Maintaining Rapport
Supporting others & Maximising their Potentials
Creating High-Performing Teams

With respect to the other set, the personal competencies, using NLP can radically improve:

Self-Awareness
Confidence
Courage
Creativity
Emotional Regulation, Stability & Resilience
Behavioural Flexibility
Honesty & Integrity

So, why should you learn NLP?

If improving ANY of the above competencies is worth investing in, then NLP should be your ‘go to’ option. Sure, there are loads of off-the-shelf trainings out there; but none that will deliver such a comprehensive upload of new knowledge and skills. Why? Because NLP has been developed over the last 50 years in ways that have incorporated the very best bits of neuroscience, behavioural psychology, business management, anthropology, social sciences….NLP is the hybrid par excellence of ‘inter-personal-neuro-biology'. (Click here for our training courses).

What does all that mean?

It means that NLP not only teaches what techniques to use in a huge range of contexts but also why they work . No other training so intelligently explains where behaviour comes from, how thinking and feeling originates and what to do to actually change behaviours to produce new outcomes.

How does NLP training do this? In the process of learning an NLP technique or process, students gain a deeper understanding of how the human mind works, how to influence our unconscious (where most of our behaviour comes from, incidentally) and how core elements of our personalities affect how we relate to other people.

In a nutshell, NLP is the richest source of theories and methods through which we can learn how to become better human beings.

What is NLP? Neuro-Linguistic Programming

The ‘neuro’ bit is all about our neurological systems; how our brains function, what the unconscious mind is and why it’s so important, what our bodies do in response to its experience etc. This piece is important to learn because, once better understood, there is a significantly improved chance of actually changing our neurological responses (patterns) such that new and better outcomes can be achieved.

The ‘linguistic’ bit is all about how human beings make meaning through symbols and metaphors (language). Our meaning-making creates our reality; so if we change the way we construct our meanings (our stories about what’s ’true’) we automatically change our perceptions of reality. In effect, we learn that we can CHOOSE how to live our lives.

And the ‘programming’ bit is where NLP gets to identify, challenge and then change those deeply embedded (mostly unconscious) patterns of thinking-feeling-behaving that we have learned over many years. We are ‘programmable’ creatures - which is good news! Why? Because our thinking-feeling-behaving can be re-programmed, re-learned and old, unhelpful patterns can be transformed into profitable, useful and generative ones that produce markedly better outcomes.

If all this sounds too good to be true, it’s NOT. Some might wonder how one modality - N LP - can be so effective in so many ways. It’s because over the last 50 years, NLP has evolved from the modelling of numerous other modalities: psychotherapy, coaching, linguistics, general semantics, cybernetics, neuroscience, maths, sociology, environmental science, philosophy……all of which are core paradigms of being human. All, therefore, need to be included in a modality that claims such riches! Indeed, the NLP world is still evolving, collecting and modelling from as many different areas of human experience as possible.

And to my final question: ‘Why study NLP now?’

Why is now the optimum time to invest in this? Of course, you would understand why an advocate of NLP would say that any time is good for studying the art!

But at the moment, there are a number of highly pertinent reasons why now is a good time. To paint the scene:

- post-lockdown: fracturing of relationships, increased levels of reported anxiety, isolation and depression...

- post-Covid: bereavement & loss, grief, illness, fear...

- economic pressures: cost of living increases, break down in supply chains, recessions...

- environmental challenges: existential crisis, natural disasters, unpredictable, violent weather conditions, breakdown in ecosystems...

SORRY! When you read all that, it's a bleak picture. But it's precisely the reason why NLP tools are now so useful and so needed.

And if you think that these problems are only showing up in small pockets or the issues are not soo serious, you'd be wrong. In both my corporate coaching business and my therapy practice, these are very real problems. And make no mistake, what affects personal life will bleed into the work context whether managers want it to or not.

Business leaders have a responsibility to optimise the performance of their people. The complexity of the current moment has put the spotlight on managers' people management skills more than ever before; our 'VUCA' world (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous) has pointed to a gap in people management skills that has, arguably, been relatively unspoken for a long time.

It's time for businesses to wake up and realise that their leaders and managers need serious up-skilling in order to provide the sort of smart, compassionate and knowledgable interventions that will help their people become better engaged, confident, creative, courageous and emotionally intelligent. We all have to navigate through these difficult times. So, instead of becoming more directive and micro-managing, improving the performance of your teams now needs more sophisticated tools.

Perhaps there's an alternative definition of NLP - 'New Leadership Paradigm' !

Good Relationships at Work are Really Important

Wed, 03 Jan 2024 11:56:00 GMT

Have you noticed that since 'lockdown', there have been some significant changes to the way businesses are functioning. Remote and hybrid working is now commonplace and, as a consequence of just this, the dynamics of business life has profoundly shifted.

In a nutshell: our relationships are now more virtual than in-person. In itself, this is not new news; for some decades now, there has been a marked and obvious change in the way people are connecting, communicating and relating to each other. And to be fair, there are numerous benefits to being able to trade with almost anyone, anywhere, any time. Geographical and time boundaries are no longer major obstacles to business.

As we know, there is much critical commentary about how "young people today are spending too much time on social media" with a plethora of posts (on social media, of course) about how Gen Z and now Gen Alpha are spending vast amounts of time in the virtual world of gaming, social media and a life dominated by apps. Given the ubiquitousness of criticism of (and concern for) the younger generations in this regard, it's interesting that there is significantly less comment about the effects of virtual relating in a business context. Whilst managers might be sympathising with a colleague during a coffee break about how their 12 year old daughter is "always on her phone", I wonder whether they are equally sensitive how their co-worker is dealing with being 'remote'.

It seems to be a universally accepted notion that good business is predicated on good relationships. Indeed, most people believe that life, in all its variable contexts, is at its best when relations between people are harmonious and mutually supportive, rather than combative and oppositional. So let's suggest some key features of "good" relationships:

CLOSENESS & LOCATION

When we talk about the 'culture' of a business, what we really mean is how that business goes about doing what it does. In other words, the behaviours of its people. And given that behaviour is learned through our relationships, it behoves business leaders and managers to carefully consider what behaviours they wish to see displayed by their employees. [ Contact me to discuss how to evolve a bespoke Behavioural Competency Framework for your business .]

From infancy and throughout the rest of our lives, the single most efficient way we learn about behaviour is via our role models. We imitate and adopt the behaviours of those who are most influential around us.

We also know that human beings develop their relationships using internalised personifications in mental space. We develop this skill by having physical, real-life location experiences over the course of our lifetime. If our virtual environments lack the physical presence of others, we miss out on a vital component of how to create meaningful internalised personifications. As a result, our perceptions of others can often be skewed. Have you ever had that 'double-take' moment when you finally meet someone face to face that previously you had only had online contact with?

With the idea of being in the physical presence of others comes another important issue: How peer behaviour influences and affects work ethic and performance. In a physical office where peers are mutually supportive and healthily competitive, expectations around effort and performance can be harnessed. High performing teams mostly arise when peers are working in an energetic space, witnessing each other's efforts in person rather than during a zoom session. Remember, many of your employees will spend considerable amounts of time each day on their own.....

What are the implications for managers and leaders? Simply put: Managers and Leaders need to start talking about behaviour and about relationships - not take these things for granted. They need to encourage (even demand?) that their teams meet up in person regularly. They need to role model behaviours in explicit ways to help their people understand how to counteract the lack of frequent physical contact with their peers - maybe even encourage them to go out in breaks to intentionally be in the presence of other human beings, whomever they may be!

PHYSICAL PRESENCE & TOUCH

I think that hugging at work should be compulsory! Well, maybe not compulsory.....but I do think that as Western culture has become more and more 'contact averse' (precipitated by 'lockdown' experiences and messages around 'social distancing'), business leaders need to be bold and send clear signals that it's ok to be in the physical presence of peers. Depending on your own point of view, leaders might even actively encourage (role model) physical contact. Why? Because without physical contact, human beings are significantly impoverished and, as a result, quickly develop feelings of isolation, anxiety, worry and even fear. As a note of caution (and arguably a necessary one), it's always advisable to ask the other person if they're ok with any type of physical contact....

These feelings are NOT conducive to great performance! (It would be interesting to run some research on the relationship between 'touchy' business cultures and 'non-touchy' business cultures and their respective rates of attrition and performance figures....)

THE 'GAPS'

When I was studying music at university, one of my tutors said: "Always take care of the silences between the notes". Over the years, this idea continues to resonate: the idea that whilst the actual notes are important (of course), the power of the music is conveyed by how these notes are played, the gaps between them. Highjacking this metaphor, we can say that whilst the actual work is important (of course), it all the other more subtle things that determine how the work is done. Such as? Motivation, application, determination, stamina, behavioural flexibility, the ability to take feedback, deal with disappointment and criticism, innovation and creativity......this list is a long one. AND then there's the stuff that either enables or disables these behavioural traits. What stuff? Things like trust, happiness, novelty, confidence, self-awareness, optimism and the ability to be vulnerable and uncertain.

How do these important human skills become available for each of us? The answer is simple: these things are learned and practised from within our relationships . The quality of our relationships determine the quality of our behaviours and, thus, our output at work.

What are these 'gaps', these subtle other ways through which we engender and mature all of those vital skills listed above? They are the touch points we share, mostly out of conscious awareness, every day when we meet and connect with others. They originate in our body movements, our breathing patterns, our eye movements, our facial expressions, our slight shifts in posture, muscle tone, the minuscule vibrations we sense via our peripheral vision.......even our electromagnetic energy pulsations from the region of our hearts. So much of this is simply not available online, we just don't see or feel it anywhere nears as much as when we are in each other's physical presence.

A NEW LEADERSHIP DIRECTION

The implications are huge. In my next blog I'll be talking about how business leaders can ensure that people feel connected, seen & heard, appreciated and feel safe. Be warned: I'll be using words like "kindness", "compassion" and even "love" - and how these three things will prove to be the very life-blood of an organisation and how, without them, business success is much, much more difficult to achieve.

Embracing Change: Why Doing Things Differently is More Important Than Ever Before

Tue, 19 Dec 2023 14:47:00 GMT

During my attendance at a few business Expo's recently, I found myself drawn to sitting in on a number of seminars that were addressing the theme of employee well-being.

In many ways, it's encouraging that businesses are recognising the importance of the mental and physical health of their people; we all know that healthy, happy teams are successful, productive teams.

But, somewhat ironically, it appears that some business leaders and HR departments are now jumping rather too enthusiastically on the mental health 'band wagon' and engaging with the well-being agenda like some sort of badge to convince staff (and other key stakeholders) of how caring, understanding and supportive they are.

Thankfully, mental health in the workplace is now more often and more openly discussed than it has been in recent decades; the stigma of admitting to any mental-emotional difficulty is slowly reducing and in some organisations (but certainly not all) employees are enjoying an evolution in culture that allows for more personal problems to be aired in the professional context.

However, this more open conversation about mental health problems in a professional setting opens up a number of significant challenges.

First, the matter of Line Manager responsibilities. In most organisations, Line Managers are required to be the front line resource to solve performance issues - and when poor performance is linked to staff mental health, Line Managers are often ill-equipped to know how to deal with the personal problems being shared. Frequently, in such circumstances, the problems are referred to HR or senior managers (assuming both are available!)

Second, over-stretched and under-resourced HR Departments. If you are lucky enough to have a good HR department (i.e. one that does more than push paperwork around, put together employee contracts and job offers and does return to work interviews), then as a Line Manager, you just may have an option for that referral. But even then, are HR departments equipped to deal with the issue? Could this be a case of 'the blind leading the blind' when it comes to mental health problems.

And third, there is a huge difference between helping people understand WHAT to do in order to effectively address a mental health problem and knowing HOW to facilitate real behavioural changes such that the employee actually gets better. In all of the seminars I attended at various business Expo's, there is a huge amount of well-intentioned rhetoric about what would help employees - long lists of "small changes" that make a "big difference" to employee well-being. But again, absolutely nothing to suggest HOW to........

With the best will in the world, those in senior leadership roles rarely have the time or inclination to learn the complex skills to effectively engage with many of the mental health problems that we are now seeing (post-Covid & lockdown). Similarly, HR departments are stretched and many didn't sign up to deliver the sort of personal support that is often needed by colleagues. Hence the increase in spending on outsourced HR provision - even though many of these organisations lack the competence to make much of a dent on the problems being presented.

As I see it, the solutions, while complex, are not necessarily complicated. The complexity arises because there are numerous factors that bear upon the issue: relationships, communications, leadership vision, stakeholder expectations, clarity of role profiles, performance measurement criteria and a host of interpersonal & neurobiological factors such as diversity and inclusion - not to mention all those personal wounds that many are now carrying such as unresolved trauma.

The title of this blog alludes to doing things differently. What I mean is that we now need to turn our attention more acutely towards our SELF - how we are showing up as human beings, as connected and influential beings. The increasing fragmentation and fracturing of our human systems and the resultant dysfunction we are seeing in relationships invites us to become self-reflective. Why? Because how we each show up (how we each think, feel and behave) is projected onto others and creates our communities, our societies and our businesses.

Below are a few thought-provoking questions to get your brains on the matter:

Over the next few weeks, let these questions sink in and allow them (and your various answers) to float up into your awareness as you engage in conversations with your colleagues. And come back here for my next blog: So what happens now?

Leaders need to coach!

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 14:03:00 GMT

Great leaders need to coach: and here’s why

I’ve been very lucky in my career; for over 20 years I’ve had the good fortune to observe leaders from owner-manager micro businesses to niche SME’s and international blue chips across pretty much all sectors. I’ve seen plenty of leadership behaviours, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. I’ve also seen excellent leaders in action, but not as often as I had hoped - or as often as we need right now! This is the first of a series of articles on coaching in leadership.

There are a number of behavioural traits that great leaders share, including humility, patience, determination, inspiration, wit and vision. This article is not to espouse the virtues of these admirable qualities; I want to challenge your current thinking around how to get the best out of your people.

Leaders spend time with their people. All managers and business leaders need to develop and maintain exceptional relationships within their businesses. Indeed, if as much attention was given to the quality of internal relationships as it is to relationships with clients or even suppliers, business productivity would go up exponentially. Why? Because people are the lifeblood of any business - and we all need to feel seen, heard, nurtured, supported and encouraged.

The technical difference that makes the difference in great leadership is COACHING. Time and again I have noticed that great leaders are great coaches. There will always be a place for mentoring & training - the primary purpose of which is to transfer knowledge and experience. Simply put: if someone lacks knowledge or skills, train and mentor them. If they are under-performing, despite their knowledge, experience or skills, coach them.

Coaching doesn't have to be formal, planned and delivered behind closed doors at work. It's the quality of the interaction and the intentions driving the conversation that matters.

Leadership is fundamentally different from managing. I know you know this. So why do many leaders spend much of their time managing, not leading? It could be that they have yet to learn how to coach. Leadership is about inspiring & engaging others in shared purpose, vision, mission. It’s about modelling for others the values and beliefs of the organisation. It’s about nurturing people.

Have you ever noticed what happens when someone asks you a question? You go on an internal search for answers and meaning-making. Along the way you’ll access beliefs, values, feelings, ideas, memories and much more. You may not realise it, but you’ll be utilising a vast range of inner resources to answer the question. If you are told/shown the answer, the legwork has already been done. Have you ever wondered why some people need ‘telling & showing’, over and over again? It’s because there’s been no significant personal learning in the transaction.

Coaching asks rich, generative questions. It’s a complex process that requires specific skills and a wide range of behavioural competencies – skills which can be developed over time.

An example of a common moment between a member of staff and their boss:

A training/mentoring response is often:

“How about this….it works for me….let me show you…do it this way, do it my way.” In other words, the solution is already in someone else's control. No need for independent problem-solving here! Just show me and I'll do as you say. Fine, if you want your people to be mini-me's. Fine if your process is reliant on highly specified, technical compliance. But even then, your staff will not innovate, be creative, be self-managing.

And what if your colleague is stuck, not because of a lack of knowledge or experience? What if they are stuck because of fear/confidence? What if they are just bored? What if their minds are off-task due to worry about something personal?

And what if they’ve been told/shown the solution 100 times already – what’s going on?

Coaching reveals the reasons for people’s behaviours that are mostly out of awareness. Coaching is like shining a bright light on blind spots, illuminating deeper reasons why “I’m stuck”. True coaching creates self-awareness and deep learning. It initiates behaviour changes in ways that traditional managing does not. Furthermore, the reduction of hours and energy spent by ‘manager-leaders’ is significant: leaders who default to a coaching approach are less energetically depleted, have more room in their heads for developing their strategy and more room in their hearts for connecting with their passion and vision.

Coaching has been a buzz word for businesses for a long time. But over 20 years, I have rarely seen leaders using genuine coaching skills. This is, in part, due to the confusion arising from the term “sports coaching”. This modality is predominately mentoring (sharing the wisdom of experience) and not typically the type of coaching I’m suggesting needs to be embraced by business leaders.

In the New Year 2023, here on the fabulous Isle of Wight, there will be a new Island Business Leaders Co-Coaching Forum established to help leaders learn the art & science of coaching. By joining the Forum, leaders will learn coaching skills, principles, models and techniques, piece by piece over the year. Let’s revolutionise island business by getting leaders coaching! (a version of this article can be found on page 23 of Island Business Magazine )